like im not even kidding!!???
why do i feel so attached to RA? we didn't even have anything, not officially that is. i dont know.
seeing his tweets( gosh im a goddamn stalker which caused me 70% of my heartache) all happy and in love with someone else.
how issit possible that he gave me hopes and then nothing................................and i found out he likes some other girl. call me a stalker lah but my heart sia....its better i find out and do some stalking. i do not wish to be used.........again. word: AGAIN. don't blame me, put yourself in my shoes okay. it hurts. i know i'm not worthy of you, well fuck it. i'm not worthy of anyone. saying this just hurts so much but isn't that the fact?
I wish i was prettier, pious-er, soft, thin, and well, IM THE OPPOSITE OF EVERYTHING NICE. that is why. that is why Nad. If only i was near-perfect. I am greatly flawed, and i'm truly depressed by it. W H A T do you know? You're a freaking guy. I'm not over reacting but everyone i know is way prettier and better. what is this shit. here i am trying to accept myself, there will be and always will have people bringing me down. tell me ah how to overcome that shit. ignore? ya ignore ignore ignore. ignore also, i have feelings what. i'm trying to do something about it, people doesnt see anything and start commenting. fuck.
it's sucha goddamn tiring thing to be pleasing everybody, is that what my life suppose to do? please people? and not myself? mhm, tell me ah. stress how people like you cant accept me. sorry im not perfect but please have the tendency to let me off nicely and gently. okay well its over now, i HAVE TO get over the fact that i can never be with you and that you hate me. yep hate. such strong yet appropriate word.
i never make you happy anyway, never did.
tell me why i am so deeply charmed by you............need to brush away all this feeling.
yes RA, i am really mad and disappointed and sad and depressed but what you know. you don't give a flying fuck about my feelings anyway. i never did revolve around your life. but the thing that really pissed me off is me making you the centre of my goddamn world. and its hard to replace. REALLY hard.
never have i loved anyone so fucking much. and if you feel this is such a random mad post, well it is.
and when i'm trying to get over you, there will be something you do/say and i just have that butterflies in my tummy again. Everytime we meet, we act as though nothing had ever happen. Tak sakit hati ke? I sakit hati sia. When i want to talk about this whole drama, i just couldnt get words right off my mouth and sigh..........................................................................................................................................................................................................
im so..crying myself to sleep. gnight.
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